Children want to be heard. They want to be understood. When we rush in to give our two cents – they are not going to feel heard or understood.
- Probably the advice we can give to parents that you do not need to argue the facts with your child. For example, if your child wants to go the park on a Sunday and the park is closed on Sunday you should not go into a discussion such as “Today is Sunday and the park is closed on Sundays.” (Situation number 1)
- You do not need to help them to see the rational point of view. For example, if your child is worried about that another child might break his/her bike, it is not necessary to say, “He won’t break your bike, he knows how to ride.” (Situation number 2)
- You do not need to tell them the reasons why they should not be feeling the way they do. For example, it is wiser not to say a sentence like that: “You were not upset about it last week, why are you upset about this now?” (Situation number 3)
YOU JUST NEED TO LISTEN
After listening to your child, you might give these answers to their worries:
- Situation number 1: “You really wanted to go; I am sorry.”
- Situation number 2: “I can see you are worried him taking your bike. You think he might break it. I get that.”
- Situation number 3: “You are really upset about this; I know it’s hard.”
WHEN THEY FEEL HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD, THEIR CONNECTION WITH YOU WILL DEEPEN.